Richmond Babes! A call for entries!

Hi. Today is a huge day for all of you single ladies. I am giving you the once in a lifetime opportunity to put in an application to become my next numero uno lady. Earlier today it hit me that single Kenny is finally ready to take off his gloves and hand them over to another solid dude who can carry on the rad single guy life.

Below, I have a short listing of requirements that must be met in order for you to fulfill this position. I will forewarn you. Dating me is not an easy task. I mean, I am wonderful and will treat you like gold, but there are some huge shoes that you have to fill. Let’s begin.

1.You must be cute (duh) and are around my height. If you are too good looking I will spend way too much time worrying about other dudes hitting on you all the time, so dress down if you fit this mold.

2. Age and Career. You must be at least 24. I don’t want to spend time helping you figure out your life on this avenue.  I will support your decisions, but I don’t have it in me to listen to you complain because you are not where you want to be. You will also need to have a job that pays you. This does not have to be your career, but you need to be working toward something.

3. Music is a huge part of my life and you need to be able to love going to shows and listening to records with me. The perks of this are that you will get constant mixes from me showing you affection through other’s songs.

4. You have a group of friends that is rad. Sometimes we will annoy each other. This does happen occasionally in courtships. When you get sick of me, I would love for you to have your own posse to hang with until we can’t stand being apart any longer. Additionally we must love each other’s friends. If you pass the initial application process, you will have to meet a few people. If they don’t like you, this won’t work. No excuses.

5. You must like to make out. A lot. And you know, do other stuff. If we don’t want to make out all the time we won’t survive. I am not a pda dude, so you don’t have to worry about that.

6. You have hobbies and passions. I am involved in quite a few projects. I would love for you to help me out with my clothing line, dj nights, and all other things that i do. You must also be interested in doing things, whatever they may be. I don’t deal well with people who watch tv every night for hours after work.

7. Socializing. When you date me, you will be put in constant situations where you have to meet a lot of people. Be prepared to hang out with awesome persons all across the U.S. We will be a power couple, so you will need to be up for this. When we are out and about you will realize that all others will want to be in a relationship like the one we are going to have. It is hard being this awesome sometimes, but eventually you will grow to love the iconic status you will have.

8. Cats. You can have a cat, but you must realize I am allergic to them. Please make the cat scearce when we are hanging out. You don’t want to kill me, do you?

9. Travel. If we are going to date, we will be traveling from time to time. You must like to do this. Anywhere and everywhere. Adventures here we come.

10. Fashion. You must have a good sense of style. This hugely affects the way I look at you. If you have style I am sure I will love whatever you are wearing.

11. Beards. You must like my beard. I am never shaving it off unless I am forced to do so.

12. Exercise. I want to live a long time. You must take care of yourself so we can grow old and awesome TOGETHER.

13. Booze. You must like all types of booze. You also must be able to party with me until the wee hours. I am not as crazy as I used to be (unless you saw me 2 Saturdays ago….eeeee), so this shouldn’t be that hard.

14. Be informed. You must be fairly intelligent so we can have good conversations. I am pretty well educated, so from time to time i will want to talk about real things. Most of the time I will be talking directly out of my ass, but occasionally I get in the mood to discuss global warming and things of that nature.

15. Food. I love food and eating it. You must love it too. If you don’t eat meat, don’t give shit for eating it. This requirement is directly correlated with point 12.

16. Be a solid person. If you have made it this far, you have probably said my name and gotten a response such as, “Kenny! He is such a rad great guy. Most eligible bachelor in Richmond!” That being said, if we are going to rule the world together, you need to be an all around incredible lady. Together we will both need to be perceived in a positive manner. You can totally call me out when i do dumb shit. I do dumb things sometimes. I will do the same for you as well. If we are going to be the greatest couple ever, we need to keep each other down to earth.

17. You must hate facebook and love myspace. I know the Internet world is forcing us to use the site, but secretly we should hate it together.

That is about it. I will update if I can think of any other requirements. Please prepare your submissions and have them in by December 1st. I would like to have a scorching hot make out on new years eve this year, so I will need all entries in a month prior to make my selection.

Good luck babes. I know there are a ton of beautiful people out there, so go for it!